shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Your penis caused this!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
