This girl is more easily done than said...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
