So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
