you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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