i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize