I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
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He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
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If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
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