Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
