I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
