Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
