do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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