i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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