There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My vagina is very pro this idea
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