Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
