i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
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He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
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I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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