I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
