Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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