it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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