Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
