Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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