just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
