is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
