I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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