so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
