I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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