just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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