Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
