I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.