are you so shy because you have an std?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah