Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You should frame my arrest warrant.