my computer doesn't work...
i puked on it last night
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
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My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
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Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail