i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again