Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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