Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
