But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
