And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
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so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
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A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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