he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think my vagina is haunted
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
