well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
