benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
