I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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