Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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