I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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