My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
