worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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