I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
