it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
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I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
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we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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