my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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