Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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