Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
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while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
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He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
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I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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