she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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