how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
