I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
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The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
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Boobs are out for the taking
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize