I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
