you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I think i got beer on your cat.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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