just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Randomize
