I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
