I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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