Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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