sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
