masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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