paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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