the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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