I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
