your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
