Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
